Pizza, Assault, and a Side of Drama: Man Sues Nicky’s Pizza

Man Sues Over "Extra Toppings" of a Knuckle  at Nicky’s Pizza

In a move that will surely change the way we think about dining out, Robert Johnson has filed a lawsuit against Nicky’s Pizza in the Northland, alleging that his dinner experience was far more "hands-on" than he ever intended. In what can only be described as a classic tale of pizza, public brawls, and alleged employee collusion, Johnson claims he was assaulted by three men while staff allegedly went above and beyond to assist in the great escape of the assailants—talk about customer service!

According to the lawsuit, on January 18th, Johnson, minding his own business (presumably trying to enjoy some carbs and cheese), was allegedly attacked by a trio of intoxicated regulars—Christopher Stills, Jeffery Adams, and Timothy Coffer—who apparently felt that verbal jousting over pizza toppings wasn’t enough and escalated things into a full-fledged physical altercation. The trio, presumably attempting to recreate a bar fight scene from a low-budget action movie, allegedly worked together like a well-oiled machine: one grabbed Johnson’s shirt, another immobilized him, and the third repeatedly punched him in the face—truly a display of teamwork.

But the fun didn’t stop there. Johnson alleged in what can only be described as an employee of the year moment, that Coffer’s daughter (yes, we’re talking about family involvement here) assisted in the getaway by ushering the assailants out the back door before the cops could show up. Not only did the staff allegedly let the attackers leave, but they also allegedly claimed they didn’t know these regular patrons from Adam—talk about impeccable memory and customer relations!

Johnson, whose shirt was left in tatters and bloodied, and whose phone was apparently swiped in the melee, claims to have suffered "severe, permanent, progressive, serious, and disabling injuries," including "disfigurement and scarring." One can only imagine the mental scars from this truly life-altering pizza night.

In what appears to be the latest twist in an ongoing saga, Johnson is seeking a jury trial and "damages that are fair and reasonable." Because really, who wouldn't want compensation for an evening spent being held hostage by a bunch of pizza-loving pugilists?

The situation, as documented in the police report, spirals even further into absurdity, with a call coming in that allegedly involved 15 people fighting inside the establishment. Clearly, Nicky's Pizza is not just known for its deep dish, but also for hosting the most intense dinner rush in town.

As of now, neither Johnson’s attorney nor Nicky’s Pizza owner, Nicholas Haug, have responded to inquiries, perhaps to avoid an even larger "slice" of attention. Stay tuned as this legal drama continues to unfold—after all, who needs a pizza delivery when you’ve got this kind of action on your plate?